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29 April 2013 @ 10:01 am
FIC: Honeymoon - 1/3  
Author: Osiris Brackhaus
Story Title: Honeymoon
Part: 1/3
Rating: PG
Configuration: /
Warnings: /
Word Count: 10.000
Setting: 'Phoenix Empire' verse, see Phoenix Empire Timeline & Index
Characters: Colin/Yaden, Ivan, Myriam, Darren, Beverly, Saint Cornelius
Summary: Colin's and Yaden's honeymoon leads them to Malicorn, the planet of beautiful beaches, fascinating locals and of course, bacon...
Feedback: Yes, please! Constructive criticism welcome!

"And so, it is with greatest joy and deepest pleasure, that we welcome you here on Malicorn!"

Deafening applause erupted in the audience, people cheering and flash lights going off. Slightly taken aback at this overly cheery and very public welcome ceremony, Colin looked at his husband, fishing for Yaden's hand for reassurance.

"Sir Colin, would you mind holding a piglet for the cameras?" the mayor of Malena, the capital of Malicorn, asked, his teeth brilliantly white in his tanned, youthful face. "Look here, it's very easy to hold, just like a baby."

Not waiting for Colin's answer, someone pressed a warm, snoring piglet into his arms. It smelled faintly of coconut and bacon, and looked so blissfully happy and trusting it had to be high as a kite. Someone else made sure the flower garlands they had been given at the beginning of the ceremony were looking extra-luscious, and then they were once again grouped with the mayor and his wife for some more pictures.

"It is so wonderful of you to spend your honeymoon here on Malicorn," the mayor insisted again, shaking Yaden's and Colin's hands once more. "I hope you two have a wonderful time here with your family, and if ever there is anything you need, please never hesitate to contact me directly."

"Of course, Mayor," Yaden replied, seeming perfectly at ease in the situation. "But I am pretty sure that won't be necessary. Everyone's working so hard at making us feel welcome here, I can't imagine anything not being perfect."

In return, the mayor laughed, very pleased with Yaden's answer. An energetically handsome man of just over thirty years, he almost looked like a poster child for his planet himself - tanned and with a swimmer's body, the tips of his dark wavy hair bleached by the sun, smiling and laughing with genuine ease. His willowy and very blonde wife was like a lighter, swifter version of him.

Some aide took the snoring piglet out of Colin's arm again, someone else gave him a bottle of wine and a whole bag of flyers and invitations, and then they were all gently guided into a large, elegant groundcar that had been waiting for them all the time. The crowd of journalists and tourists that had assembled on the steps of the town hall took their last photos, called for autographs of all of them. Colin still thought it entirely embarrassing that people treated him like a celebrity like his husband now, even though he had done nothing but falling in love with the right guy. But just like the PR team had instructed him, he smiled and signed basically everything handed to him, from collectible mugs to exposed and perfectly tanned six-pack abs.

Colin Dracon, his signature read now. Sir Colin Dracon.

From slave to noble in just three words. Yes, I do.

What a luck he had practiced his new name countless times in his little shopping list notebook. And yet, the name still felt strange to him, much stranger than the all-black outfit he was wearing despite the warm sunshine. Only when the groundcar's heavy door closed behind them, he leaned back, closing his eyes, and groaned softly. At least, now that he was no longer a slave, there would be no more of Yaden's guilty looks every morning when he put his slave collar back on after the shower.

"Are you alright, love?" his husband asked, still waving at the crowd outside while the car slowly rolled away. "Colin?"

"I'm okay," Colin replied, sitting up straight again. "It's just a little much. We don't have any more public appearances today, do we?"

"No." Smiling calmly, Yaden took Colin's hand. "Just us, a peaceful dinner and an early night."

"So you're going to make Colin scream again all night?" Myriam asked, awkwardly fingering her black pullover. "Thank god for headphones."

"Myriam!" Darren's voice from the passenger seat in front cut through the car. "Manners."

As if he had pulled on an invisible string, her mouth snapped shut. Visibly struggling with a stroppy answer, she none the less managed to keep her mouth shut.

"Was that a real piglet you were holding on stage?" Ivan asked, deflecting from Myriam's silence. "It looked so blissed out..."

"It was real, I think," Colin replied. "It was snoring."

"That's kinda cute," Ivan replied with very little of his usual sarcasm. Even Myriam smiled at the image.

Right then, their car was turning left and onto the beachfront promenade of Malena, heading out of town and towards the mansion that had been rented for them for the next few weeks. They passed an immense wall of slanted ceramsteel panels, glaringly white in the sunlight.

"That's it?" Ivan asked excitedly, and Myriam perked up, too. "That's the monastery?"

"Yep," Darren confirmed from the front seat. "The Saint Cornelius monastery. Just don't let him hear you call it that, he's still insisting he ain't no saint."

Ivan, Myriam and Yaden eyed the massive walls with fascination. Sending them to Malicorn right after the wedding had been the idea of the PR team. For one, it would coincide with the annual bacon harvest next week, giving them ample opportunity for countless press occasions all over the place. And second, it would be the perfect cover for them to learn more about N'bosoti and how to fight them, from the only man who had any substantial expertise in the field - Saint Cornelius himself.

Colin felt slightly sick every time he thought about it.

Saint Cornelius was a saint, dammit, in every way Colin was concerned. And that he himself had invited Yaden and his team, explicitly including Colin, to come to his monastery to train, was just a tad too much for Colin. Of course, it was a great honor and a great opportunity. And after what had happened aboard the Pebble on their last mission, Colin sure would accept every little help he could get.

But did it have to be a living saint right from the very start?


"Oh," Yaden said, his pleasant surprise clearly audible. "You're shorter than I thought."

Maybe not the first thing you'd normally say to a living saint, but then again, pretty much nothing about their visit here was normal, was it?

Saint Cornelius had already been waiting for them when they arrived in the spacious courtyard of the monastery, the dust and noise of the city locked out by massive gates in the titanic walls. Saint Cornelius was well over sixty years by now, but it hardly showed. His round face was lined, yes, and his short, strawberry-blond hair and beard were tinged with grey. But his gray eyes glinted with an alacrity that would have been impressive even on a younger man, and that he wore a full ceram-steel plate armor out here in the full Malicorn summer sun with perfect nonchalance spoke of a fitness that was way beyond any normal measure.

Saint Cornelius took a generous moment to look Yaden up and down, not impressed by him being a Phoenix Knight in the slightest.

"You're shorter than I thought, too," he said, his voice surprisingly deep and rumbling. "And scrawny."

Yaden shrugged with a smile. "So far, I could make up for that with sheer stubbornness."

Saint Cornelius laughed, not loud, but honest and full of good-natured humor. "Come on," he ordered casually and waved them to follow. Not waiting for any answer, he turned around and left for the far corner of the yard, clearly a man utterly used to being obeyed without question.

Yaden turned around, still smiling, and then followed Saint Cornelius, Ivan and Myriam directly behind. Colin needed a moment longer, not feeling quite at the right place. Who was he to talk to Saint Cornelius? But in the end, it didn't matter what he thought. Saint Cornelius had asked him explicitly to come here, and so that's what Colin would do. Even if he really didn't feel like it.

In the far corner, Father Cornelius passed through a narrow covered passage between two houses that barely looked wide enough for him and his armor. For a moment, they all followed him through the gloomy shadow, but then the passage opened into another courtyard. This one was small, barely thirty feet across, wedged in between two buildings and the outer fortifications. There was a huge tree growing in the corner of the yard, its canopy wide enough to cover the yard in pleasant shade. One of the outer walls featured a simple fountain, a clear stream of water running into a small, rectangular basin on the ground, its surface dark and smooth.

After the buzz and garish colors of Malicorn, this place felt like a blessing.

"Sit down," Saint Cornelius ordered, pointing at the ground. He himself basically dropped where he was standing, smiling at the gathered family. "So you fought one of the ancient evil, and survived to tell the tale. Good. Commendable."

"I wasn't there," Myriam volunteered instantly. "But I want to learn how to kick bug butt, too."

"Then shut up and listen," Cornelius replied, brief but actually rather kindly. "I gather one of you scared the beast, didn't you?"

"It scared us pretty good," Yaden said as Colin didn't reply immediately. "My squire Ivan and I were just running on fear and instinct, but Colin here, my husband, could keep his wits about him."

"Good, good," Cornelius replied. "It is healthy to fear them, it shows you are smart enough to recognize the bad guys. But it gets a little less bad every time you meet them, until it only takes a deep breath and you can think normally again."

"YOU were afraid?" Myriam asked, incredulous. "Really?"

Saint Cornelius nodded. "As I said. Beware those who do not fear the ancient evil, 'cause they ain't much better."

"Duly noted," Ivan said. "So the fear can be overcome, yes?"

"It takes training, but yes."

"And then, how do we kill them?"

"Rarely. But there are ways." Cornelius chuckled, a mean little sound speaking of A LOT of experience in that regard. "I am afraid your psionics won't be much help, there, though."

"I noticed that," Yaden agreed grimly. "He almost completely drained me just trying to keep him immobile."

"Impressive you managed to hold him at all," Cornelius remarked. "They are completely immune to direct psionics and most supernatural powers. They fear them to the point of phobia, though."

"That doesn't make much sense," Ivan remarked.

"Not to us, no. But they are not like us."

"But how can they be completely immune?" Yaden asked. "Even the strongest psion can be caught unaware, and even a mage can be stripped of his spells."

"And?" Cornelius seemed utterly nonplussed. "Stop seeing them as human. THEY ARE NOT. They are the oldest race there is, coming right after the gods, and probably long before time and causality. They don't have to play by your rules."

For a moment, all four of them remained silent, only to start asking questions all at once.

"Gods?" Colin asked, incredulous. "More than one?"
"Before causality? How's that even supposed to work?" Myriam, just as disbelieving.
"Our rules?" Ivan asked, curious. "Do you have different ones?"

Cornelius laughed out loud at the outburst.

"Alright, one after the other," he said, starting with Colin. "Yes, gods, plural. The guys who made this universe. big, powerful, batshit crazy. Ours doesn't seem to be one of them, though, but fuck me sideways if I know what that is supposed to mean."

Myriam burst into giggles at his choice of words, not quite managing to hide her expression behind her hands.

"And you, little smart-ass, yes, pre-causality. Ask Beverly what that means, I am no scientist. She will tell you, but I can't promise you'll understand one word of it. Tell her I said hi."

At the mention of the legendary Nosoti scientist, Myriam's eyes grew wide. But Cornelius didn't pay her attention any longer.

"And I really like your train of thought, Squire Ivan," he continued. "Yes, my rules, indeed. N'bosoti only fear two things. Psionics, which is silly, and gods, which is only healthy. As a psion, your bet is with indirect attacks and massive firepower. Theoretically, they might become vulnerable to your psi once they believe you can hurt them, but I've still not seen anyone to pull that off."

By now, all of them silent with concentration, trying to come up with the next smart question.

"Never think you can outsmart them, they are the universe's blueprint for brilliance. N'bosoti have shit luck, though, and that has always worked in our favour," Cornelius continued explaining. "So everything that distracts them and fouls their tech will work nicely."

"Like the bad luck of us having Colin aboard," Yaden said, smiling proudly.

"Absolutely." Father Cornelius nodded with a wicked grin, turning his attention to Colin for the first time. "I heard you spouted some phrase in Youh'Kai, didn't you?"

"I did," Colin replied, clearing his throat as his voice caught. "I did, Father. I don't really know what I said, but I think I called him a fucking squet."

"Let me guess," Cornelius suggested, "you said 'Dar'nam sat, g'dani squet!', didn't you?"

"I don't know..." Colin replied, but was cut off by Ivan.

"That's it, exactly!" Ivan interjected eagerly. "What does it mean?"

Saint Cornelius hesitated for a moment, then explained: "It's kinda hard to translate right. The long version would probably be 'Not in this place that I protect, you fucking vermin with delusions of grandeur!'. It's much more vulgar in Youh'Kai, though."

"That pretty much sums up what I was feeling in that moment..." Colin admitted. "How did you know what I said?"

"I guessed. When I heard you were fighting one of the most perfect organic killing machines with nothing but a broken broom and came out winning, the parallels were hard to ignore."

"Parallels?" Colin asked, already dreading the answer.

"There is a legend among the Youh'Kai, about their goddess of hearth and home, Ynagra." Cornelius started to elaborate. "She was attacked by the sons of the god of war, and tried to protect those under her care. Armed with nothing but a broom, she battled them from dusk till dawn, and emerged victorious. Never before had the sons of Cor'Garun been bested in battle, and never since."

"That sounds familiar, indeed," Ivan remarked, quietly impressed.

"'Dar'nam sat, g'dani squet!, is what she said to her assailants," Cornelius continued. "And it is the line priests of Ynagra recite when they have no hope left, other than sacrificing themselves and hoping that it will be enough."

"I am not a priest," Colin objected feebly.

"Ynagra doesn't seem to care." Surprisingly sympathetic, Cornelius gave an encouraging nod to Colin. "I have a priest of Ynagra in my service, here in the monastery. Talk to K'gosi, I think you will find his beliefs are yours already. He will see you whenever you are ready."

A little scared, Colin cast a glance to Yaden, only to find his husband smiling warmly at him. 'I love you', he mouthed voicelessly, and Colin knew that for him, he would do everything. Even talking to some alien priest, after a veritable living saint has told him he was following an alien goddess he hadn't even heard of until today.

"I will, Father Cornelius," Colin replied as gracefully as he could. "As soon as I am ready."


"Oh my God! Ivan? Ivan!" Myriam's voice yelled all across the park. "Ivan you must help me!"

Ivan gave Yaden and Colin a smirk and a shrug, then he dashed off across the well-tended lawn to the crypt Myriam was excitedly bobbing up and down in front of.

Colin seized the moment of relative calm to sneak his arm into his husband's, and lean against him for a moment. He almost managed to ignore the excited murmur of the photographers that followed them in a polite distance.

"It is a beautiful park, they were right about that..." he started, not really sure how to word the weird feeling the whole scenery was giving him. "I am not so sure about all the monuments for dead pigs everywhere."

"What did you expect?" Yaden replied calmly, but with a mischievous grin. "It is the Field of Heroes, in the shadow of the Swinodrome... How is that supposed to work without pigs?"

With a sigh, Colin looked up the huge stadium that bordered to the park and loomed above them at the horizon. "Of course there have to be pigs... It's just - I didn't think there were so many. And so obvious..."

"Damn, those were the biggest balls I've ever seen," Myriam stated firmly, returning with Ivan in tow. "Big as melons, those things, I wonder how he was able to walk at all."

Both Colin and Yaden looked at Ivan, searching for help.

"No, seriously," Ivan confirmed, laughing. "That's the grave of 'Orzac the Fertile', and they have his balls pickled in a jar behind glass so everyone can look at them."

"It was too high up for me," Myriam added. "Ivan had to lift me up a little so I could see them, too. Kinda gross, but really cool."

Colin had to swallow a few choice comments on Malinos in general and their obsession with pigs in particular, but he managed. "This planet really is very far from my home."

"Don't you have snail farmers on Leichnam?" Myriam asked, already looking for the next mausoleum between the trees. "I remember reading something about those. They love their snails, too, don't they?"

"Oh, they do, absolutely," Colin replied. "They just would never show it like... this. And besides, we didn't have snails where I grew up, it was too far north for that. We had lobsters."

"Really?" Now it was Ivan who seemed curious. "You had snails in the movie..."

"Yeah, and we all know how much truth there is in that one." Colin grimaced painfully. "Yaden was there when we had our lobster match."

"It was really something," Yaden joined the discussion. "And quite scary."

"So - two villages, each bring one lobster, the lobsters fight and the villages get to eat the loser and the winner is set free?" Ivan asked.


"One lobster for two villages?" Myriam didn't seem entirely convinced. "Really?"

"Leichnam lobsters, dear," Yaden interjected. "As tall as you, and that's before they rear up and raise their claws to scare their opponent."

For a moment, Myriam was silent, and even Ivan seemed impressed with the image of two lobsters the size of oxens dueling to the death on a village fair.

"Yeah, that might be enough for two villages," she finally conceded. But already a heartbeat later, she was distracted by another sight. "Oh look, ice-cream! Can I have one?"

Between the thick, gnarled trunks of the trees, a pink-and-white striped cart appeared, already crowded with children of various ages. Above the cart, a small flag fluttered in the breeze, showing the unofficial mascot of Malicorn - Grinny Pig, a smiling pig with the disconcerting tendency to eat himself.

"Sure," Yaden replied before Colin could say anything. "But only if you get me one as well!"

Instantly, Myriam ran off.

"Try to take something without bacon!" Colin called after her, shaking his head. "Does she even have money on her?"

"I'll go with her and pay, if needed," Ivan said, smiling. "You two keep on walking and looking pretty, so the PR team will be happy and allows us a few more days training with Saint Cornelius."

This time, both Colin and Yaden grimaced simultaneously.

But as soon as Ivan had turned his back, Yaden nudged his husband, pointing at his squire and their daughter.

"I can't really believe how the two of them have bonded," Yaden said, amazed and proud at the same time. "It's like they really are brother and sister."

Colin nodded calmly, pulling his arm a little tighter around Yaden. "They are good for each other, and they both feel it."

"We're a real family, now, aren't we?"

Still smiling, Colin nodded.

"Are you happy?" Yaden asked, obviously not really sure what answer he would get.

"I am," Colin replied. "It's very different from everything I ever expected, and way too dangerous, but, yes, I am happy." Now he turned around to Yaden and kissed him, just a tiny kiss on the lips. "Thank you."

"COLIN?!" Myriam called from behind them, loud enough to startle a few birds who had been dozing in the trees. "Lard isn't bacon, is it?"

"I hate this planet," Colin whispered, smiling, before he shouted his reply. "I am coming, love!"

Meridaemeridae on April 29th, 2013 08:38 am (UTC)
I haven't read this yet, but I just have to say, before I do, that there is NO BAD about bacon!

::ponders if the perfect Malicorn honeymoon involves pig massaging::
osirisbrackhausosirisbrackhaus on April 29th, 2013 09:17 am (UTC)
Although I would, under all usual circumstances, whole-heartedly agree with you that there is no bad in bacon, I have to point out that there IS to much as too much of a good thing. Imho.
Meridaemeridae on April 29th, 2013 08:54 am (UTC)
Now I've read it!

1. Why don't we get to see the actual WEDDING! ::WHINES:: I was looking forward to seeing Yaden in a frilly dress!

2. You're not supposed to take your family on your honeymoon with you, and Myriam's comment about Colin screaming all night is exactly the reason why.

3. You're also not supposed to work (i.e. train) or make public appearances (i.e. at bacon festivals) on your honeymoon - it's supposed to be a time just for the two of you to enjoy together, because you'll probably never have the luxury again!

4. I love the image of Colin as a hearth witch (er, WARLOCK!)/earth god(dess) that we're getting - nothing more powerful than a husband protecting his hearth and home. HIS!! (He needs to go meet Thomar and Robert)

5. There is still no bad in bacon. Nor in cute snoring little piggies!

osirisbrackhausosirisbrackhaus on April 29th, 2013 09:22 am (UTC)
Okay - let's do this one by one.

1) Yes, i know. Sorry. But there's nothing HAPPENING during the wedding. I would like to read it, too, but it would have been a total pain to write, just one long exposition. Please have mercy with us.

2) We agree. Do you see now why we think the PR department is evil?

3) see 2)

4) YES! And there's still so much more fun coming in that department...

5) Agreed, as long as it's not too much. No bad ever in snoring piglet, though. :D
talomor on April 29th, 2013 11:21 am (UTC)
So will Colin and Yaden ever get/just take a couple of weeks off to spend together, alone and without any obligations? You know, like a real honeymoon?
osirisbrackhausosirisbrackhaus on April 29th, 2013 03:21 pm (UTC)
We are afraid the answer is no.

They are blissfully happy on their island, though, so they don't feel they missed out on anything.
Meridaemeridae on April 29th, 2013 10:21 am (UTC)
I'm sorry, but I don't think the concept of too much bacon has been invented yet.

And NOTHING happening during Colin and Yaden's wedding? Are you nuts?! Nothing but Yaden and Colin pledging their undying love and devotion, creating a whole new functional family, striking another blow for the draconian reforms started by Lady Lilith and her brood, AND probably boosting up the hearth and home powers that Colin is currently rocking by adding the power of rituals and oaths and stuff!!

And Leesha would have been there and probably found fun ways to entertain himself. I bet he encouraged Myriam to misbehave or something and Darren had to rescue her. I mean you don't think the day went off without a hitch do you?
osirisbrackhausosirisbrackhaus on April 29th, 2013 03:23 pm (UTC)
*weighs head ponderously*

Yes, but no. Sorry.

Isn't that the perfect thing to remember for the next birthday-fic-giveaway?
osirisbrackhausosirisbrackhaus on April 30th, 2013 07:38 am (UTC)
BUT, which I had forgotten to write in my first reply - we will get to see Yaden's and Sam's wedding in pretty much technicolor detail. Maye that's a small consolation?
Meridaemeridae on May 5th, 2013 02:27 am (UTC)
Do we get to see the wedding night in Technicolor detail, too? And does it involve the rest of the spouses? And is Yaden the only one who brings new husbands and wives home or does, say, Colin fall in love with other people too and bring them home for Yaden to fall in love with as well.

GROUP MARRIAGES YAY! (I mean, really, what could be bad about more people to love and care for and snurgle with?? If Yaden is away, then having another husband to snuggle can only be good, right?)
osirisbrackhausosirisbrackhaus on May 5th, 2013 10:02 am (UTC)
Yes, we do get to see the wedding night, yes with all other spouses - though I think that it'll be quite different to what you expect. ^^

And it's not ALWAYS Yaden who brings new spouses into the marriage. Colin will bring in someone, and Kendrik, too, though not all of them will marry into the whole bunch... It's complicated. :D

But that's the fun with group marriages, isn't it? You can build a net of people who love and snurgle each other, where everyone can and no one has to.

I REALLY have to get around and finish 'Serin's Secret Garden', so we can move forward on the big story. Well, I am on vacation right now, so there's a pretty good chance I'll manage. ^^
Meridaemeridae on May 6th, 2013 07:12 am (UTC)
I will be happy as long as there is snurgling and love and much celebrating of how fantastic Colin is (even if it IS Yaden's wedding night, hehehehe).
osirisbrackhausosirisbrackhaus on May 7th, 2013 09:05 am (UTC)
As long as snurgling doesn't necessarily mean hot, sweaty sex, you'll get all of that. :)
Meridaemeridae on May 8th, 2013 05:36 am (UTC)
Well hot sweaty group sex WOULD be optimal, but I will happy settle for happy, loving, intimate snurgling in whatever number and combination of spouses you see fit to give me. It's the loving intimacy via snurgling that I'm really after.
osirisbrackhausosirisbrackhaus on May 8th, 2013 06:28 am (UTC)
Well, in that case, that'll happen plenty in that wedding night. Not 100% sure if it'll be part of the story, but I'll keep you in mind. ^^
Meridaemeridae on May 9th, 2013 05:37 am (UTC)
It's okay, I'm storing up ideas for birthday fics.

You know . . . you have a birthday, Beryl has a birthday . . . I have a b'day . . . so does Leesha, and all his pets, and Mauve and and Thomar and Robert and and and . .

Surely we should get fics on all of THOSE birthdays too??
osirisbrackhausosirisbrackhaus on May 9th, 2013 06:48 am (UTC)
Surely not.

You're getting a chapter every three days since, like, two years now. Me and Beryl giving away fics on our birthdays, okay, I am fine with that, too. Everything more is plain greedy.

Admittedly, it's also a nice compliment, but still greedy. ^^

So, next round of fics on command will begin August 13th.
Meridaemeridae on May 10th, 2013 05:33 am (UTC)
Well yes . . . it is EXTRAORDINARILY greedy ::is unashamed::

But it's not my fault - your fic is like Malicorn bacon (and makes me all sleepy and snuggly like a well brushed Malicorn pig) - you can never have too much!!!

::BIG GRINS:: Almost time for another chapter, YAY!
osirisbrackhausosirisbrackhaus on May 8th, 2013 06:37 am (UTC)

OMG I wish I could do the 'insert photo in a comment' thing, but go to this link and you'll see why I thought of you! This is totally somewhere right now on Malicorn!

Grinny Pig

OMG yes! Such a happy piggie! Thank you!
Charischarisstoma on April 29th, 2013 10:35 pm (UTC)
Cute and yes the PR dept is evil.
Lard ice cream or just chilled lard? *shudders* It's like the Inuit dessert of bubber mixed with with snow.

Sleeping drugged up baby piglet is cute but all similarities to a human baby... piglets get eaten!

How is it that Colin somehow became a recipient of Ynagra's attention? She got a thing about vermin N'bosoti?
osirisbrackhausosirisbrackhaus on April 30th, 2013 07:31 am (UTC)
It's probably chives ice cream with a bit of lard. 'shivers' It's still a very local specialty, and for a very good reason.

You're right about the differences between piglets and babies, but that is a sensibility that isn't shared on Malicorn. After all, most pigs have a life at least as comfortable as their farmers, before they meet a swift and painless end. With a certain level of deliciousness, cuteness doesn't protect any longer.

The next two chapters will detail Colin's relationship with Ynagra, and the way the two are connected. If anything is still unclear after that, please ask me again. And besides - everyone hates vermin in their kitchen, especially if they come in that size with with such despicable manners.
debbiemethosdeb on April 30th, 2013 12:40 am (UTC)
loved it what does Colin have against bacan,I'd take bacon on just about anything.they do make a sweet couple.
osirisbrackhausosirisbrackhaus on April 30th, 2013 07:24 am (UTC)
Colin doesn't have anything against bacon per se, it's just that he is totally creeped out by the Malinos adding bacon to virtually everything. He doesn't mind his family eating lots of bacon and porc - he just doesn't want them to eat nothing but.

And I agree, they do make the loveliest couple.
idolme922idolme922 on April 30th, 2013 04:11 am (UTC)
Oh well... I don't eat meat and that does include bacon! That said I love all the pig and bacon references. Fun and funny.. Giant pig balls, LOL

Colin is just the best and the entire family is wonderful. Looking forward to the next parts. I agree about the wedding tho. I've written weddings and its pretty hard to make them interesting. I always skip to the end or wander inside the heads of the participants or something. I love the one reference "yes, I do" was perfect and summed it all up nicely. :D
osirisbrackhausosirisbrackhaus on April 30th, 2013 07:37 am (UTC)
Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it, and that' you can understand why weddings are not the most interesting to write...

Hope you enjoy the following chapters as well!
issuesgrrrlissuesgrrrl on May 4th, 2013 05:02 pm (UTC)
"But just like the PR team had instructed him, he smiled and signed basically everything handed to him, from collectible mugs to exposed and perfectly tanned six-pack abs."

Wait, hold up, Mauve was there? Or was that Shalice gettin' her fangrrrl on? LOLZ

"Saint Cornelius nodded. "As I said. Beware those who do not fear the ancient evil, 'cause they ain't much better.""

Trufax man and I'll have that on a t-shirt, size large pleezeandthankoo.

"Alright, one after the other," he said, starting with Colin. "Yes, gods, plural. The guys who made this universe. big, powerful, batshit crazy. Ours doesn't seem to be one of them, though, but fuck me sideways if I know what that is supposed to mean."

Aaaand I'ma need a Saint Cornelius fan club membership to match my Sir Rage one... wait, do living saints even HAVE fan clubs or did I just join a religion? o.O

"Are you happy?" Yaden asked, obviously not really sure what answer he would get.

"I am," Colin replied. "It's very different from everything I ever expected, and way too dangerous, but, yes, I am happy." Now he turned around to Yaden and kissed him, just a tiny kiss on the lips. "Thank you."

Awww! So much lurve! ::sniff!:: And I'd like one scoop of BLT and one scoop of PBJ in a pancetta cup please. Pear, brie and jambon is my favorite! ;^p

osirisbrackhausosirisbrackhaus on May 4th, 2013 05:37 pm (UTC)
Well, if Mauve had been just a little older, he'd surely have been there - he's having his first birthday right about now, and it's another fifteen years before he ends up with the Sirenkovs. But there's never a shortage of cute Malino surfer boys in Malena. No clue how they manage those abs on that kind of diet, but I, for one, surely won't complain.

Saint Cornelius devotionalia (merchandize for Saints) can be bought at every well-stocked church or Corny Dojo, including T-shirts, mugs, icons and various weaponry. The Saint Cornelius monastery has an online shop somewhere, I am sure, but seem to have misplaced the link at the moment. No need to join the church, they take your money in any case.

Pancetta cups... I see you're getting the hang of it. Great idea, mind if I borrow that occasionally? ^^
BerthaBlueberthablue on May 14th, 2013 09:06 am (UTC)
If politicians held piglets instead of babies, I'd be a lot more interested in politics...

I love hearing more about Colin's ability to scare the N'bosoti! And yay for him not being a slave anymore :) Such a happy chapter.

I had a roommate once who got pet rats, and they were boys, and I was pretty much as fascinated by their balls as Myriam is with the pig balls. SO HUGE! Haha, it's been like five years and I still rave about those balls. *the previous comment presented by: more than you ever wanted to know!*
osirisbrackhausosirisbrackhaus on May 14th, 2013 09:42 am (UTC)
Hehe, glad you liked it - and never mind the rat balls. I am still quietly fascinated / apalled by the way my baby brother's guinea pig's giant balls dragged behind him on the floor in our parents' place, leaving damp spots wherever he rested for too long... And that's been over twenty years... ^^